New baby and a jealous toddler
In 5 months, my daughter will have a new sibling. I have no idea what my first will feel towards the “intruder.” My wife came across a great article in Parents Magazine Nov. 2004 that we have kept to review for this very moment.
When baby arrives what parents of two do?
According to the author:
AT THE HOSPITAL
1. Make the big sibling the star of the show. When our daughter comes to the hospital room, make it all about her.
2. Go crazy with pictures—of your first kid. Have pictures in the hospital room and near the new baby of the big sister.
3. Involve friends & family—have family give attention first to the big sister and then the baby. Another suggestion was to have friends and family talk about how lucky this new baby is to have such a GREAT big sister instead of saying how lucky she is to be a big sister.
AT HOME
1. Be available to your firstborn—when others can help with the newborn, give attention to your oldest.
2. Create hero worship—coo to your newborn how wonderful it is that they have such a fantastic older sister. When the newborn talks, “translate” for your oldest with phrases such as “Look, he’s smiling at you! He only does that when you’re around.” The key is that it will be harder for the oldest to not love somebody who clearly adores her.
3. Show the firstborn that baby doesn’t always come first. Your oldest will have to wait at times when you have to tend the newborn, and that will sting, but to help, show that the baby will have to wait. For example, you know the baby needs a diaper change, and so you say to your oldest, “The baby needs a diaper change, but he will have to wait. Its Kelly’s turn now. I will change your diaper after I finish reading this page with Kelly.”
4. Show the oldest the cool things about being older.
Now this is coming from a magazine, and I still have yet to find out if this will work in real life. I would like to hear from anybody else who knows of some good strategies to deal with this dilemma of sharing the love between two.
posted by cgosborne @ 2:35 PM
11 Comments:
It has been a tough transition with a toddler and our newborn. I didn't know how much work it would be to have the two of them, especially grocery shopping or changing all of those diapers! They are 21 months apart and so it is hard for my toddler to understand all that I am saying. Fortunatley he does love his little brother, but I have had my hard days where he wants all the attention and I just want to snuggle with my newborn instead!
I have made efforts to not change our routine together though, and still treat him exactly the same... can't expect him to change his lifestyle because of a new sibling! I still try to do our normal things; reading, going on walks, watching things together etc, and the newborn one on one time happens after he goes to bed!
It has been a tough transition with a toddler and our newborn. I didn't know how much work it would be to have the two of them, especially grocery shopping or changing all of those diapers! They are 21 months apart and so it is hard for my toddler to understand all that I am saying. Fortunatley he does love his little brother, but I have had my hard days where he wants all the attention and I just want to snuggle with my newborn instead!
I have made efforts to not change our routine together though, and still treat him exactly the same... can't expect him to change his lifestyle because of a new sibling! I still try to do our normal things; reading, going on walks, watching things together etc, and the newborn one on one time happens after he goes to bed!
I only have one baby, but I did just hear a cute idea for when #2 comes along. Put a little note on your door for those coming to visit the new baby. In the note, request that the visitors come in and first visit with the older sibling instead of going straight in for the new baby and ignoring the older sibling.
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