New baby and a jealous toddler

In 5 months, my daughter will have a new sibling. I have no idea what my first will feel towards the “intruder.” My wife came across a great article in Parents Magazine Nov. 2004 that we have kept to review for this very moment.

When baby arrives what parents of two do?

According to the author:

AT THE HOSPITAL
1. Make the big sibling the star of the show. When our daughter comes to the hospital room, make it all about her.

2. Go crazy with pictures—of your first kid. Have pictures in the hospital room and near the new baby of the big sister.

3. Involve friends & family—have family give attention first to the big sister and then the baby. Another suggestion was to have friends and family talk about how lucky this new baby is to have such a GREAT big sister instead of saying how lucky she is to be a big sister.

AT HOME
1. Be available to your firstborn—when others can help with the newborn, give attention to your oldest.

2. Create hero worship—coo to your newborn how wonderful it is that they have such a fantastic older sister. When the newborn talks, “translate” for your oldest with phrases such as “Look, he’s smiling at you! He only does that when you’re around.” The key is that it will be harder for the oldest to not love somebody who clearly adores her.

3. Show the firstborn that baby doesn’t always come first. Your oldest will have to wait at times when you have to tend the newborn, and that will sting, but to help, show that the baby will have to wait. For example, you know the baby needs a diaper change, and so you say to your oldest, “The baby needs a diaper change, but he will have to wait. Its Kelly’s turn now. I will change your diaper after I finish reading this page with Kelly.”

4. Show the oldest the cool things about being older.

Now this is coming from a magazine, and I still have yet to find out if this will work in real life. I would like to hear from anybody else who knows of some good strategies to deal with this dilemma of sharing the love between two.

Getting your baby on a sleep schedule

When I see this promising headline in I have to laugh. My wife and I read all the articles in parenting magazines and nothing seemed to provide the no-crying solution I had hoped. For a time, bedtime was not a peaceful time. Could we rock our baby to sleep? NO! As soon as she was laid in her crib, her eyelids flew open and she began protesting. So, we did what our pediatrician suggested, let her cry it out on her own. She would cry for an eternity (30-45 minutes) for the first couple weeks of our attempts. It was so hard for us to restrain ourselves from rushing into her room and rescuing her from the terrible doom she faced of going to bed. A few times we buckled and we had to start the whole process over. When it seemed that this approach was hopeless, miraculously the crying stopped. Now at 13 months, I read her a couple of books, and she peacefully goes down in her crib for a nice long slumber.

What are my suggestions after a year’s worth of experience of putting our baby down? Number 1, do what you are comfortable with! 2) Remember that a baby’s sleep is not only healthy for the temperament but essential in their development.

Resources that helped me develop my philosophies on sleeping and my resolve to stick to it when the last thing I wanted to hear was my daughter crying:

1.) Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (no we did not follow this book to the “T,” but it helped us realize our daughter's need to sleep even though she would resist it.)

“A well-rested baby with a healthy sleep habit awakens with a cheerful, happy attitude. A tired baby awakens grumpy (pg. 57).

“Small but constant deficits in sleep over time tend to have escalating and perhaps long-term effects on brain function” (pg. 55).

2.) The American Academy of Pediatrics “Your Baby’s First Year,”and Various articles online & in parenting magazines

3.) Our pediatrician

4.) Most importantly, use your spouse as support. When my wife was gone, it was easier for me to give in and she said she had the same problems when I was away.

I would be interested in hearing other parents’ experiences, because I know each baby is different and what finally worked for my daughter will not always work for the next baby.

Getting Enough Fluids?

At our daughter's 12 month check-up the doctor suggested that she should be drinking 32 ounces of whole milk a day...wow!. We're happy if she gets in 16 ounces. We have tried chocolate syrup and instant breakfast mixes to enhance the flavor but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. Has anybody else had problems with their toddler? If so, were you able to remedy it?

Parenting Advice from Parents - Thank You!

Because the comments that the readers add are somewhat difficult to find, I have compiled some posts that I think are helpful.

What to do when your baby is sick:

Said one reader: “when my 4 year old was an infant a friend of mine gave me the most awesome book called The Baby Book by Sears and Sears. This book saved my sanity on several 2am panic attack situations over what to do for my sick baby to help him feel better. I highly recommend this book to all parents- the advice in the book really works!!” Here is a direct link to The Baby Book at Amazon.com.

Another reader suggested this about fevers: “My doctor recommended letting the sick child play in a tepid bath and then drain the water while they are still in the tub. The evaporation of the water cools them without giving them a chill. I have found this to be very helpful in lowering a fever as well as cheering up the sick child.”

Here are some suggestions for feeding your baby vegetables:

1. Steamed green beans with a little butter or seasoning (I tried this myself with both, and it was good…our daughter tried it too, and it seemed to help.
2. Green beans or green peas in cottage cheese.

For babies who are underweight, here was a suggestion:

“The doctor recommended getting her on a structured meal plan. So she only eats when in her highchair at certain times of the day. That way she's hungry at mealtime and gets very well balanced meals. She’s also finally putting some meat on her little bones!”

So, there you are, some great tips from those who have come to read. I hope these suggestions are helpful to many of you.

I also stumbled upon another blog that I think is great. It’s called I love my baby. You should check it out.

Please tell other parents about this site if you have found any of the information helpful.

Funny Things Kids Do

Because we only have one child, it is hard for me to know if some of the things our daughter does are normal or if she's in a league of her own. She has had an obsession lately with boxes. We bought the wholesale-sized box of huggies and the box has become her favorite toy. She climbs on it, climbs in it, put things in it, pushes it around the house, anything she can think of. And she will do this for hours each day.

In our kitchen was a shoebox waiting to be taken out to the trash. As I was preparing dinner, I was surprised to find her stuffing the box with her "blanky." I looked down a few minutes later, and she had actually squeezed her little bottom into the shoe box and was simply sitting there in the middle of the kitchen inside it.

I think it is little things like this that make me so happy to be a dad. It really is such a fun and exciting part of my life. I love it.

Biting & Hitting

This Thanksgiving, our 13 month old made her first attempt at biting another child. She was being mauled by a much bigger and agile 3 year-old and she had had enough. Nevertheless, it made us concerned and got my wife to read up on how to handle the situation. In Parents Magazine February 2005, it had just the article that put our nerves somewhat at ease. Here is what she found:

Physical aggression is “developmentally appropriate” at this age. These young toddlers struggle with communication and to respond physically is one of the easiest ways for them to express their feelings. Reasons a toddler might bite or hit:

1. Defense
2. Another way to explore their senses and since they are orally fixated and learn by putting things into their mouth—it could include a fellow playmate’s arm.
3. Experimenting with cause and effect (meaning kids like to explore which actions provide reactions).
4. Toddler needs their space.
5. They are feeling hungry, tired, overwhelmed, etc.
   

WHAT TO DO: (Here was some of their suggestions)

1. Just say “no.” Do this immediately after the incident. Use little words and a big tone, such as, “No! We don’t hit! No biting! Biting hurts!” Then redirect him to something he can do.
2. Don’t let her profit from attacks. She can’t keep the toy that she got from being aggressive.
3. Praise good behavior. “You gave your friend a turn. Good for you!”
4. Shadow your biter in groups of kids (and remove toys that trigger conflicts).
5. Give him some gentle diversions that are more calm and less frustrating activities.
6. Allow the toddler some breathing room.
   

I have to admit it was unnerving to hear that our little angel had tried to bite someone with her razor sharp front teeth but I am glad this is normal and that there are strategies to deal with this more frustrating developmental stage.

Portions: How much is enough?

I came across a tip from Gerber for feeding a toddler that I had never thought about. It suggested feeding your toddler 3 small meals plus 2-3 snacks a day. It recommended to not offer food between meals and snacks because “learning what hunger and fullness feels like may help your child avoid overeating, which in turn, may help reduce the chance of obesity later in life.”

My wife, being pregnant, is constantly eating to ward off nausea. Consequently, my daughter regularly gets little handouts throughout the day that are not part of her typical little meals. She is under weight right now, so I am not concerned it is making her over weight, but I wonder if she will be a better eater if she isn’t receiving so many snacks a day.

Eating those Veggies

How do you get your toddler to eat his/her vegetables? I am at a loss since my daughter will no longer eat from the baby jars (and even then, she would gag when she encounter any green puree). I have tried putting the frozen green peas & carrots with her pasta sauce, but even then she seems to discard them.

I just encountered a suggestion from Gerber about using salad dressings on veggies. The benefit is that it enhances the veggie taste along with providing those essential fats that toddlers should get. According to them, toddlers should get 30-40% of the total calories they need from fat.

I am going to give it a whirl and keep you posted…hopefully my daughter will go along with this. If you have any veggies you have had success with, let me know. I am having a hard time fixing ones that are soft enough for her to eat with her 6 teeth and yet not too mushy to gross her out.

Advice for Parents - A Young Child's Freedom

My daughter took her first steps on her 9-month birthday. It was fun to watch her challenge herself and test her abilities. Now she is nearly 1 year old and is getting very agile. With her capability she has also become rather difficult. Only so many seconds can go by before she's reached an opened door, accessed the stairway, or found her way between the refridgerator door and me while I'm looking to get something to eat. To this point, everything I've done with her has been some sort of a game. Now, when I tell her 'no' and shake my head at her she just smiles and shakes her head back at me. This has caused a dilemma for me. As a dad, I don't know what to do about it. She seems smart enough to find me when we play hide-and-seek, so why shouldn't she be able to understand that 'no' means 'no'?

When is it time to start cracking down? What is the best way to discipline young children? I will be doing some research on this and will add to this page as I find any good ideas. If you have had success doing something with your children, please let me know!

Is your baby sick? What do you do?

My daughter recently had her first ear infection. It was apparent that she was having at least an ear ache because she did not sleep and was tugging at her ears. We felt so bad for her. Here is advice I have to offer from this experience.

1. I also got sick with a sore throat the same time as she did. Advice: show your baby lots of love. They are probably feeling worse than you are because they've been crying and they can't get up and get something they want. Even though it is hard not to do, don't get frustrated with them.
2. After a visit with the pediatrician and a prescription to some anxiously, we were advised to give her Children's Motrin to help with fever, etc. We had been using Children's Tylenol up to that point, and she HATED it. The flavor of the Motrin must be much better because she opened her mouth to it every time.

New Parenthood 101

A few months prior to the birth of our daughter, my wife subscribed to "Parents" magazine. I thought this would be a great idea (and believe me, I was getting pretty stingy about what we were buying for the baby) because, well, we were going to be brand-new parents. A little help from the experts wouldn't hurt. It turned out that we got plenty of help from the experts, just not the experts I was anticipating. I was hoping to read scholarly articles from doctors, etc. The best resources in the magazine - in my eyes that is - were from parents sharing their experiences. Some of the ideas they shared seemed like good ones, but didn't work. Some of the ideas did work, for which I am grateful. Like everyone says, all children are different. Unfortunately, a magazine can only publish so much information.

THANK GOODNESS FOR TECHNOLOGY!

I invite new parents, old parents, soon-to-be parents, and want-to-be parents to come post your thoughts on the different topics that will be placed here. The more information we gather, the better off we'll all be in the long-run.